


ain't done nothin' right (not quite black or white)

by questionsthemselves



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Time Travel, yondu being a reluctant dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-02 07:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11505009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/questionsthemselves/pseuds/questionsthemselves
Summary: Yondu could still feel boiling, shredding cold in every joint, every pore. It didn’t matter how many thermals he piled on under his leathers. The air around him still felt a little unreal, like it was meant to be snatched away if his inhales got just a little too greedy. He didn’t know why he’d woken up this morning, head crammed full of things that didn’t seem to have ever happened but if the godforsaken visions in his head wouldn’t stop their demented merry-go-rounding through his head, he was goddamn sure this time around he’s gonna do more of it right.





	1. ain't done nothing right

There was a moment when Peter looked up at him, little fists balled up, and Yondu could’ve swore he saw his younger self looking back - the kid was the kind of spittin’ scared that made you ready to scratch the skin off of anyone close enough.

“Take me BACK take me back take me back,” Peter screamed. “My mama’s gonna… gonna..”

He hiccuped over his words and promptly dissolved into tears on the deck, still flailing his arms sporadically out like maybe he could make himself enough trouble to to be returned.

Yondu crouched down, pushing his leather sleeves up before scooping his arms around the kid and wrapping him tight with his back to Yondu’s chest. Peter threw his head backwards, and Yondu swerved his head to narrowly avoid getting clonked in the mouth.

“Calm down, son, no one’s gonna hurt ’chu, but you ain’t going back,” Yondu said, squeezing his arms around Peter and giving him a little shake. “There’s people out there what’s after ya, and they ain’t so nice as me.”

Peter stopped writhing as he twisted his head around to stare at Yondu, eyes swallowed up black with fear before going abruptly limp as his face crumpled.

Yondu gingerly turned Peter sideways, cradling the kid as he stood up, trying to keep the copius bodily fluids leaking out of the kid’s face from smearing all over his jacket.

“Kraglin,” Yondu barked as he started to stride out of the holding bay. “Git me somethin’ to clean the kid up, and some water.”

His first mate, who’d been shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot, gave a confused “Aye, Cap’n,” and started toward the hanger doors. He was struggling to look as though he knew exactly what was going on and as if Yondu wasn’t acting strangely at all.

 

Once at his quarters, Yondu deposited Peter on a nest of blankets in the corner surrounded by odd piles of junk and trinkets, and plonked himself on the bed. Peter scrubbed at his face with both pink little palms, his sobs quieted to the occasional hiccup. Seemingly gathering his courage around him, he tilted his head to stare up at Yondu.

“Are you…” he started, and then trailed off. When Yondu did nothing but quirk an eyebrow at him, Peter continued. “Are you my dad? Momma didn’t say you were blue, she said you were like an angel.”

Yondu chortled, as he pulled out one of his little knives to pick the dirt under his fingernails.“I look like an angel to you, son?”

Peter just blinked up at him, head still tilted in question.

“Aw, hell,” Yondu sighed, sticking the knife back in his boot and leaning forward on his knees. “I guess I am kid.”

 

Kraglin stood frozen just outside the doorway, not quite sure how to process what he’d just overheard. He’d known something was up when the captain had suddenly diverted them to a little no-rate planet all secretive like, but he’d figured it was some hush-hush kinda job. This… was unexpected, not to mention rather unbelievable. Kraglin wasn’t an expert on cross-species relations but he was pretty sure half-Centaurians didn’t come out pink with ginger hair.

“Umm, Cap’n?” Kraglin said, bobbing his head deferentially as he stuck his neck through the doorway. “I brought what you asked for.”

Yondu started up, staring at Kraglin with eyes that seemed far wearier than the morning before.  
“Just set it there,” he said, waving absently at a half broken table near Peter.

“Cap’n…” Kraglin hesitated. “Is… there anything else ya need?” Yondu quirked his mouth and patted the bed beside him.

“Siddown, Krags ” he said. Kraglin sidled slowly over to the captain and perched gingerly on the edge of the bed.

“This kid here, ’s mine now,” Yondu said. “I need yer help keepin’ the crew off my back about it, yeah?” Kraglin stared at Yondu, almost baffled into silence.

“…Yours, Cap’n? This Terran’s your kid?” he said tentatively

Yondu’s narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips stubbornly. “The kid’s mine, if I say he’s mine.”

 

Yondu could still feel boiling, shredding cold in every joint, every pore. It didn’t matter how many thermals he piled on under his leathers. The air around him still felt a little unreal, like it was meant to be snatched away if his inhales got just a little too greedy.

He didn’t know why he’d woken up this morning, head crammed full of things that didn’t seem to have ever happened but if the godforsaken visions in his head wouldn’t stop their demented merry-go-rounding, he was goddamn sure this time around he’s gonna do more of it right.


	2. but I'm still having nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yondu shot up off his back, batting frantically at the blankets and sucking air in as his lips began instinctively to purse.

Yondu shot up off his back, batting frantically at the blankets and sucking in air as his lips began instinctively to purse. Kraglin yelped as a solid blue knee socked him in the back and rolled nearly off the bed as he struggled to free his arms of both the bedding and athrashing Yondu. 

“Cap’n, it’s me, it’s Kraglin, yer safe,” Kraglin said, as he got control of his gangly limbs. He knelt up, hovering his arms up and away from Yondu, carefully not touching him. 

Yondu squeezed his eyes shut hard, and focused on stilling his trembling limbs as he sat, hutched over his knees. His implant cast an eerie pool of red light around him, as he scrubbed his fist harshly across his face and struggled on bringing each breath in slowly - in and out, in and out. 

Seeing Yondu coming back to himself Kraglin scooted back on the bed, settling against the metal bulkhead. Silently he felt around by the bedside and pulled up a bottle of something green and foul smelling. He offered it to Yondu, who took it with a jerky nod and a curl of his lips. 

Yondu tipped his head back and took a deep slug, then another. As he lowered the bottle he saw the bright little eyes of the Terran across the room, who was definitely not as asleep as he’d been a moment ago. 

When he met Yondu’s eyes, he ducked lower with an aborted squeak and buried his face in the blankets. It only took a few seconds though before he popped his head back up, his face crinkled up in worry and exhaustion. 

“ ’S…everything okay?” Peter whispered. Yondu stared at him blankly, then scowled. 

“'S fine, go ta sleep, boy,” he said roughly, shoulders slumping. Peter continued to blink wetly at Yondu.

“But… I had a nightmare,” he protested weakly. “I don’t wanna sleep here. I wanna go home.”

Kraglin frowned, pushing himself to sit up straighter. “Kid, the cap’n said sleep. So sleep.” 

Yondu rubbed his forehead, took a deep breath and then hauled himself up off the bed towards Peter.

Peter stared up at Yondu, clutching the blankets tight with white fingers. “I didn’t mean, I’ll go to sleep, I will,” Peter said in a rush, kneading the blanket as he shrunk in on himself. 

“Son…” Yondu sighed as he crouched down to tousle Peter’s hair firmly, ignoring his slight flinch. “Ain’t nothing gonna hurt’chu while I’m here, yeah? Now tell me what’chu dreaming ‘bout.”

“…wasn’t nuthin,” Peter said, his lip quivering stubbornly. 

“Well now, nuthin’ ain’t something that can hurt’cha, so get some sleep,” Yondu said firmly with a last pat to Peter’s skinny frame, before tucking the blankets a little more firmly around Peter’s shoulders.

“G’night, son,” he said, as he creaked to his feet.

“Night,” Peter said softly, face relaxing as he peered sideways up at Yondu, snuggling down into his nest with a yawn.

 

Yondu plodded back to Kraglin and collapsed face first in the bed. Kraglin frowned down at Yondu, eyebrows crinkled in bafflement. Whatever was going on, he hoped Yondu filled him in soon because his captain was acting stranger and stranger. As Yondu’s breathing began to deepen, Kraglin inched closer, worming his way down the bed until he was alongside him. 

When Yondu didn’t react he snuck a skinny arm around his waist, butting his forehead gently against Yondu's shoulder as he settled down to sleep.

 

Yondu couldn’t sleep. It was only the first night with the kid on board, but his head ached as he struggled to separate what was happening from what it felt like already had.

 

_“What’chu looking at, boy?” he barked at the wet-eyed little Terran._

_““I don’t wanna sleep here. I wanna go home,” Peter snuffled. “I hate you!”_

_Yondu, heart still racing and hands trembling, glared and drew his shoulders up._

_“If you don’t be quiet, Imma feed you to the crew,” he snarled. “Now shuddup and sleep.”_

_Peter started, then buried himself under the blankets, quiet sobs nearly muffled by the ratty pillow. Yondu collapsed back on the bed, and tried to pretend he couldn’t hear them._

 

He didn’t know half of anything of what he gonna do. But maybe… this was a start. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not as sure about the flow with this chapter... my brain wasn't as cooperative today. As before, I welcome any feedback!


	3. 'cause I'm never gonna stop (like it or not)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yondu squared his shoulders grumpily and glared at Kraglin. “ ‘Cause, he’s staying,” Yondu said. “He’s gonna be crew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Yondu deals with the crew and is still avoiding Kraglin

The harsh buzzing of the alarm jolted Kraglin from uneasy sleep. He batted a hand at the alarm to quiet it, rolling himself out of the bed and fumbling around on the floor for his shirt. 

Yondu scowled muzzily as the bed started moving, making disgruntled throat clicks as he kicked the blankets down to his feet and propped himself up on his elbows. 

“I’m headed to the galley sir, want your usual?” Kraglin whispered as he zipped up his jacket patting it down to ensure his various knives hadn’t migrated away during the night.

“Sure, yeah, I’ll be there inna minute with the brat,” Yondu said, heaving his legs over the side of the bed and cracking his neck side to side.

 

After the door slid shut behind Kraglin, Yondu pushed himself to his feet and padded over to Peter. 

“Up and at ’em, boy,” Yondu said, crouching down to jostle Peter’s shoulder. Peter’s eyes blinked a few times slowly, then his whole body went stiff and he bounced upright in the bed. Clutching the blankets to his chest, he stared warily up at Yondu who looked back bemusedly. 

“We’re burnin’ waketime, let’s go get chow,” Yondu said, rocking back on his heels and pushing himself to his feet. “C’mon, hurry up Quill.”

With that Yondu strode towards the door, grabbing his jacket of its hook with one hand and arrow off the table with the other as Peter scrambled to detangle himself from the bedding and follow.

 

As they entered the mess, the noisy chatter quieted as the main shift crew turned to stare at Yondu and his little Terran shadow. 

Yondu ignored them, stomping over to sit with Kraglin who slid a cup of brew and a bowl of something wobbly and faintly glowing over to him. Peter clambered onto the seat next to him, keeping a healthy space between them. 

“Didja grab anything for the kid?” Yondu asked, downing half the brew in a gulp. With a quick glance around the table, he shoved his bowl down towards Peter. “Never mind, here ya go kid, eat up.” 

Peter stared in fascinated horror at the food. 

“Issit… supposed to glow?” he said, poking it experimentally with the spoon. 

Yondu ignored the kid to entertain himself watching Kraglin making increasingly stranger faces at him, clearly trying to communicate something. 

When Yondu failed to respond, Kraglin gave up and leaned across the table to whisper, “Cap’n, sir… why’s the kid here? Why didn’t ya pawn him off on Kreech like the last ones?” 

Yondu squared his shoulders grumpily and glared at Kraglin.

“ ‘Cause, he’s staying,” Yondu said. “He’s gonna be crew.”

Kraglin squinted, staring at Yondu, his scraggily eyebrows scrunched in bewilderment. 

“… he’ll be good for jobs in tight places, places we can’t fit,” Yondu said, looking stiffly off to the side. “ ‘Sides, he’s mine. He’s staying”

“Cap’n, he’s cargo, we was hired…” Kraglin began. 

“He ain’t goin’ nowhere!” Yondu brought his hand down firmly on the table, making the cutlery rattle and every Ravager in the mess hall turn to look at him. 

“Y’hear that?” Yondu said, raising his voice loud enough to carry across the mess hall. “The kid’s staying, an’ if any of you fuckers mess with him yer messin’ with me.”

A disgruntled murmuring began sweeping across the room, the thought of a lost payday coupled with the prospect of having some tiny, annoying Terran underfoot clearly not sitting well. 

Yondu ignored them, draining the last of his mug. He pushed away from the table, grabbing Peter’s hand and pulling him to his feet as he stood. 

“Kid, I’mma put’cha to work to do later but fer now I need ya to stay in yer room and sit quiet like, yeah?” Yondu said as wove through the tables towards the door, Kraglin scrambling to grab his cup of brew and follow.

 

After depositing Peter in his nest of blankets with his backpack and ensuring he was happily ensconced fiddling with his music box Yondu proceeded to the bridge, Kragin still trailing unhappily after him. 

One look at the mutinous faces of the bridge crew made him reconsider his plan to act as though nothing was out of the usual. Rubbing the back of his neck with a sigh, he squared his shoulders and whistled sharply. 

“Now listen up, y’all,” Yondu said, lifting his chin with a fierce scowl. “The bastard what’s hired us to fetch the Terran is fixin’ to throw us over. He made it seem like he was taking these kids in outta the goodness of his heart, like we was doing him a favor with a little cash t’make up for our trouble, but he was pulling the wool over us the whole time, playin’ us for fools.”

The crew set up an angry rumble at the thought of being hoodwinked.

“We’re Ravagers. We got a code. And that code says we don’t deal in kids, and this fucker was hurtin' them kids an' trying to make liars outta us. But we ain’t fallin’ for it no more. We’re gonna cheat him outta what he wants, and keep his money too!”

The rumbling turned slightly less hostile, as the crew processed this.

“An’ now the kid’s one of us, he’ll be good for thieving - gettin’ in all those little tight spots we can’t, distracting guards by actin’ all innocent like. Remember that job where Ness got stuck in the tubes trying to get in ta that bank? Think of what kinda jobs we can pull now, yeah?”

The mention of money worked like magic. The crew chimed back with an echoing "yeah!" and reluctantly started to settle back down. Yondu folded his arms across his chest and swept his gaze across the bridge, glaring any remaining rebellion into submission.

“If all y’all don’t like that, you can leave at the next stop. Now git back to work,” Yondu finished, satisfied he’d quelled the crew for now at least. With that he stomped to his chair and parked himself square in the middle, one leg thrown over the arm. He stared resolutely ahead, ignoring the hangdog look on his first mate’s face as he hovered beside his shoulder. He’d deal with Kraglin later; once he’d figured out what to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank everyone so much for all the wonderful feedback, you're all so lovely. ^_^ I've got the whole thing sketched out now, should be about 10 chapters. If anyone's interested, I'd love a beta or a writing partner - I'm still getting my feet under me with all this.


	4. but what I never say is stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the end of the main shift, Kraglin stumbled exhausted back to the captain’s quarters only to find Peter sprawled in his blanket nest sound asleep, while Yondu sat slumped against the bulkhead on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the thanks and love to my awesome beta Resri! This chapter is much improved because of you. <3 Last bit of dialogue inspired by louis_quatorze’s brilliant fic “did I ever love you?” http://archiveofourown.org/works/11522082

After the end of the main shift, Kraglin stumbled exhausted back to the captain’s quarters only to find Peter sprawled in his blanket nest sound asleep, while Yondu sat slumped against the bulkhead on the bed. He hadn’t bothered to strip out of his leathers and his eyes were staring blankly ahead, arms draped over bent knees and an almost empty bottle of liquor hanging from his right hand. All the swagger and shine he’d had earlier on the bridge, seemed to have leaked out and left him hollow. 

“Cap’n,” Kraglin said hesitantly, shuffling closer and easing himself onto the bed. “C’n I… ya need somethin’?”

Yondu ignored him, shoulders slumped and gaze dead. 

“Please, Cap’n,” Kraglin said quietly, reaching out one hand to rest lightly on Yondu’s calf. 

Yondu closed his eyes and tipped his head back, sucking in a breath between his teeth before speaking. 

“Stakar’s gonna exile me,” he said dully. “For what I done to them other kids.” 

Kraglin stared at him unsurely, chewing on his lip with one silver tipped tooth. 

“He… told ya that?” he asked dubiously, cocking his head.

“He will,” Yondu said, a heavy certainty in his voice.

After gnawing a little harder at his lip, Kraglin said hesitantly, “Stakar’ll get ya didn’t know… Cap’n _I’m_ not sure how ya know, nobody’s said nothin’ ‘bout Ego doing wrong by those kids.”Yondu clenched his fists, before downing the last swig from his bottle and throwing it down beside the bed. 

“I know, Kraglin,” Yondu growled, voice low enough Kraglin could barely hear it. “When I woke up the other night… It’s like I’ve seen things, lived things, an’ I dunno what kind of fucked up part of the universe wants’ta drag me through this again but…” 

Yondu trailed off in frustration as he turned his head away from Kraglin and scratched a hand roughly across the side of his scalp. “An’ the boy… raisin’ him right as I can, keeping that bastard from gettin’ his claws on ‘im, ‘s all I c’n do now.” 

Kraglin took a moment to consider this, staring thoughtfully at Yondu before firming his jaw and puffing up his bony shoulders.

“Cap’n, I dunno what ya seen, but I’m with ya,” Kraglin said, eyes steady and earnest. 

Yondu looked up at him wearily. Kraglin knew he’d been ground carelessly under the boot of the universe a few too many times to ever trust that it would do him right but Kraglin pressed closer, locking eyes with him as he tried to will Yondu to see the trust he had in him.

When Yondu just sat there, looking like all the fight and bluster had finally gone out of him Kraglin leaned in and caught Yondu’s face with one hand. He tilted it to his as he kissed Yondu, brutally, hungrily, biting his lower lip and using his other arm to scootch himself flat on the bed and flip Yondu on top of him.

After a moment of stillness, Yondu braced his legs on either side of Kraglin’s hips and hooked his forearms under Kraglin’s shoulders as began to bite fiercely at his lips in return. Feeling Yondu finally respond Kraglin relaxed, stretching his arms over his head and breaking their kiss to nuzzle Yondu’s cheek.

Yondu huffed, nipping down Kraglin’s jaw and nosing angrily at his carotid before finally burying his face in Kraglin’s neck. With a last shuddery exhale Yondu collapsed fully, before worming himself alongside his first mate’s bony frame to fit snugly against him. 

“You and me, huh Krags?” Yondu mumbled blearily.

“Always, Cap’n.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's short, but the next one should make up for it! Thanks again to everyone who's left feedback. <3


	5. oh, you pretty things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the tension that had built up onboard the Eclector over the mess with Ego, being planet-side again was a release the restless crew desperately needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than halfway through! As before, thanks to my awesome beta Resri. <3

The next stop for the Eclector was the dry, dusty planet of Nax, ostensibly to scout new jobs. After the tension that had built up onboard over the mess with Ego however, being planet-side again was a release the restless crew desperately needed. 

Yondu bundled Peter into his own set of miniature Ravager leathers fresh from the ship’s tailor, warned him firmly against leaving Yondu’s side, and hauled him, Kraglin and the crew down to enjoy the eclectic, sprawling open air markets.

 

Once released with a stern warning to be back at the ship by morning, the crew scattered.

Yondu sauntered through the cheerful hullabaloo, nudging Peter ahead with one hand as he grinned down at the boy’s flabbergasted expression.

“G’on, boy, what’chu wanna see?” he asked.

Peter’s gaze darted from one booth to another, eyes bigger than the lights on an M-ship. He’d started to adjust to the different Ravagers, and the idea of a universe of species and ideas outside Earth, but the colorful and extravagant alien world around him seemed to have overwhelmed him into silence. 

Yondu chuckled, and propelled him forward into the crowd towards a booth with staggered shelves heaped with assorted trinkets and doodads. The plump, lavender salesperson blinked their multiple eyes at Peter dotingly as they approached, cooing and beckoning him closer. 

“Hellooooo there, darling, you wanting a toy?” 

Peter nodded furiously, stared with fascination at the display, but with what was clearly a great effort, politely kept his hands at his sides. 

Yondu had no such compunctions. He knelt and began poking at various knickknacks, settling on a yellow bug-eyed bobble-headed doodad with giant ears and a lolling pink tongue. 

“How much ’s this one, here?” Yondu asked the salesperson, an avaricious gleam in his eyes. “This little bugger’d look good stuck t’my control console.” 

The salesperson quoted a price that made Yondu raise an sardonic eyebrow, until they hastily added, “But I’ll throw one in for free for your son too, of course.”

“Ya hear that, son?” Yondu said, turning to Peter with a grin that was all teeth. “This nice salesperson is gonna let ya have whatever little trinket done took your fancy.”

He looked the shelves up and down before he gestured to one of the sparkly high shelf trinkets. “How about that pretty little crystal thing up there?” 

With a last uncertain look at Yondu, Peter stood up on his tip toes to snatch it off the shelf.

The salesperson spluttered for a few seconds, before giving in grudgingly and accepting the units for the much cheaper plastic trinket. 

Peter looked up at Yondu with a shy grin, eyes big and awed before muttering a thank you. 

“See that there, ’s how you do business, boy,” Yondu said, winking at Peter. He figured he’d wait until the kid stopped gawking at everything and everyone before he tried to teach him to pickpocket.

 

With one hand on Peter’s back Yondu meandered through the crowd, idly searching for someplace to grab chow, before a flash of navy leather in the crowd had his shoulders stiffing and gaze snapping around. 

He pulled Peter a little tighter into his side, tucking him firmly under his arm. Peter, picking up on the sudden tension, went stiff. His little fists balled up, his eyes searching Yondu’s face as he tried to figure what had set him off. 

When Yondu failed to find any trace of blue Ravager jackets in the crowd he relaxed slightly, before whipping around lips prepared to purse as a large hand nearly knocked him over with a clap on the back. 

“Hey Yondu, what’chu doin’ here?” Charlie-27 said, before slinging an arm around his shoulders. 

“Geroff me, you big idiot,” Yondu said with a loud grumble, “I said gerroff.” 

He pushed futilely at Charlie-27’s bulk, but the only response was a chuckle and playful squeeze. Watching Yondu’s face become unhappier and unhappier, Peter’s face changed from uncertain to incensed. 

“Leave him ‘lone, he said get _off_ ,” he said, little eyebrows pulled into a fierce scowl as he reached around Yondu to push at Charlie-27’s side.

Charlie-27 stopped his cheerful wrestling and froze in surprise as he noticed the tiny, angry Terran. 

“Yondu…?” he said, voice confused. “What’chu doing with a kid?” 

Charlie-27’s eyes jumped between the two of them before lighting up.

“Aw, yer watchin’ one ‘a the crew’s kids, ain’t ya?” he crowed, reaching up to try and knuckle Yondu’s head. “Lookit that, the great Yondu Udonta playin’ babysitter, you got ‘im little leathers and everything. Didn’t think I’d see the day you took ones this tiny on yer ship.” 

Yondu ducked, batting off Charlie-27’s hands.

“Shut up,” he said sullenly. “Ain’t one of the crew’s kids, he’s mine.”

Charlie-27’s forehead crinkled in confusion, before he shrugged his shoulders and grinned down at Peter. “Heya there, kiddo, welcome ’t the Ravagers.”

Peter glanced unsurely between Charlie-27 and Yondu, one hand kneading at the edge of Yondu’s jacket and the other clenching his new shiny tight.

“Aw, leave the brat alone, he’s shy,” Yondu muttered. 

Peter looked indignant at this pronouncement. 

“I ain’t shy!” he said, letting go of Yondu to cross his arms. “My momma says I’m a brave little star lord, and I’m not afraid of nothin’.” 

“Yer momma, huh?” Charlie-27 said, crouching down to bring himself closer to Peter’s level. “She around here too?”

The question made Peter’s lip wobble a little as the wind went out of his sails and he sank back against Yondu’s side.

“My momma’s dead,” he said quietly. “An’ there’s people after me, so cap’n’s gotta keep me safe.”

Charlie-27’s shoulders tightened in surprise. 

“Huh? What people? Who’s after a little mite like him?” he said, looking up quizzically.

Yondu couldn’t help but feel as if he was in a compactor, walls closing tighter and tighter. 

“Can’t tell ya,” he said gruffly, squaring his chin stubbornly. “It’s none ‘a yer business.” 

“But Horuz said it won’t matter soon,” Peter piped back in, eager now to be a part of the adult conversation. “He said it’s just like any job, once we get where we’re going everything’ll be back to normal.”

“Once you get where yer…” Charlie-27’s voice trailed off. He heaved himself back up to standing and leaned over to hiss in Yondu’s ear. “What’s the kid mean, like any job? Yondu – “ 

He broke off, staring at Yondu with eyes wide and wounded.

“Tell me sumthin’ else is goin’ on here, Yondu, tell me you ain’t dealin’ in kids,” he pleaded, lips drawn tight and fists stiff by his side.“You know the code, they’re fuckin’ innocents.” 

Yondu worked his jaw, refusing to make eye contact. He wished to hell he hadn’t let Peter have free reign of the bridge the last few days, since it’d clearly resulted in the brat hearing some of the more recalcitrant crew saying things they weren't meant to say. 

The growing tension was broken by the cheerful booming of a familiar voice.

“Yondu Udonta, fancy seein’ you on this hunk ‘a rock,” Starkar said, grinning at the little group. Yondu squeezed his eyes shut, before turning his head away to stare over Peter. His hands hung dully at his side, his chest feeling like it was pinned under an iron weight as he heard Stakar stop, clearly taking in the unhappy expressions before uttering an uncertain “What’s…?”

“Yondu, here,” Charlie-27 said, his voice tight, “was about t’explain’ ta me how he came to be in possession of this kid, an’ what business he had with him.”

Feeling the resignation of someone about to crash his M-ship nose-first into an asteroid, Yondu slowly dragged his eyes back around to lock with Stakar’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, Yondu and Stakar finally have it out! You are all the best, and I can't tell you how much your comments and kudos brighten my day. ^_^


	6. when the Man comes around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching Stakar’s face shut down made Yondu feel like someone had punched him in the gut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally! this chapter was a monster to write, thanks ever to my awesome beta Resri <3

Watching Stakar’s face shut down made Yondu feel like someone had punched him in the gut.

“The kid don’t belong ta one ‘a the crew or something,” Stakar said, glancing at Charlie-27’s face for confirmation. When he gets a shake in the negative, Stakar turns back to Yondu.

“You wanna explain what you’re doing with the kid?” Stakar said, face neutral.

Yondu’s jaw worked as his blank mind failed to provide him with what to say. A blurry vision tugged at his memory, but proved spectacularly unhelpful - mostly he remembered the rawness in his throat as he’d snarled at Stakar, and the guilty fury that tightened his shoulders and instinctively lit up implant and arrow. 

 

_“Yondu, one ‘a my men said he saw yer crew earlier with a cryin’ kid, what the flark is goin’ on?”_

_“It ain’t nothin’,” Yondu growled ._

_Damn Horuz._

_“What’d’ya mean, it ain’t nothin’, they was talkin’ about offloading the kid at the next stop. The fuck Yondu?”_

_“It’s jest a favor we’re doing fer som’un thas all,”_

_“Tell me yer not dealin’ in kids, tell me ya aren’t breakin’ the code,” Stakar pleaded._

_When Yondu refused to answer, his face hardened._

_“I’m gonna have to bring this to the others,”_

_“Do what ya want, I ain’t stoppin’ ya.”_

 

“He – I don’t – Stakar…” Yondu stutters.His aching head feels like it’s about to explode with tension and memories. He can’t _do_ this again, he can’t, fuck the universe for putting him through this. All the times Stakar has yelled in his face and turned his back on him, coalesce with his own guilt until it felt like it’d crack his head in two.

“Yondu,” Stakar said firmly, crowding him in until they were nearly chest to chest. “Snap out of it, tell me what’s going on.” 

He grabbed him with both hands by the collar and gave him a little shake, making Peter furrow his little brow and glare up at Stakar. 

“Hey,” Peter wrinkled his nose, “stop it, why’re y’all mad at him, he’s my dad.”

Yondu looked down in shock. It’s the first time he’d ever heard Peter say something like that, and it made something nameless and tender swell in his throat. 

After catching himself, Yondu shook off a confused Stakar. 

“He’s notta job, boy’s mine now.” he said roughly. “An’ nothing ya do is gonna stop me, there ain’t no place else safer fer him than wi’ me.”

“Yeah!” Peter added, mimicking Yondu’s scowling face. 

Stakar scowled back.

“If he’s your kid ’m not gonna try and take him away, but what’s this talk about jobs then?”

“The crews runnin’ their mouths after they’ve already been told what for, is what,” Yondu muttered. “Imma take care of it.”

Stakar hesitated a moment, then put a hand on Yondu’s shoulder, drawing him to the side away from Peter. Charlie-27 took that as his cue and knelt down again, distracting the kid with questions about his new toy. 

“Yondu,” Stakar said gently, with a firm squeeze to Yondu’s shoulder. “Tell me what’s going on.” 

Yondu squeezes his eyes shut, and decides. If this is meant to end in exile, well, it’s not like he don’t deserves it. 

“There’s this man, Ego,” he started, voice stilted and quiet. “Said he had a kid on another planet, was an orphan and he jest needed someone ta ferry the kid to his new home. He’d be generous with the units to make it worth the trip, said I should know what it means to be alone and he could give t’kids a new life.”

“ _Yondu_ ,” Stakar sucked in a breath through his teeth.

“I was greedy – and stupid, fuckin’ _stupid_ ta make myself believe he was takin’ em in outta the goodness of his heart,” Yondu grated out. “We dropped off the first one, and then he sent us out after another one… when he called about the third kid, I figured out somethin’ wasn’t right.” 

“I don’t know how I know, but I know he’s hurt those kids, an’… an’ I can’t let ‘im get his hands on Peter, I gotta keep him safe. If I let him go back to Terra, he’ll send someone else to pick the kid up. I can’t do it Stakar.”

Yondu hung his head dully, shoulders racked with involuntary little tremors. 

“Well, that sunuvabitch clearly knew what ta say to get ya to help him,” Stakar said, eyes shadowed. “But whatever you thought about his intentions.. you broke the code by takin’ money to deliver those kids. You know I can’t let that go.”

Hearing those words again, Yondu just felt numb, like someone’s slid a glass wall between him and the world.

 

_“You knew we couldn’t let this go,” Stakar says heavily._

_Yondu stood before the council, nearly vibrating apart with tension and hands fisted by his side, summoned to Stakar’s ship weeks after their confrontation planet-side._

_“Yondu Udonta, you’ve broken the Ravager code you swore to uphold.” Stakar said, voice breaking a little, not looking him in the face. “You’ve delivered three children to their deaths, and shown no remorse. For that, your punishment is exile.”_

_“Fuck you, Stakar! I told ya I didn’t know what was goin’ on!”Yondu howled, nearly spitting in his rage._

_“You didn’t know because you didn’t wanna know,” Stakar stands abruptly, raising his voice to match Yondu’s. “You let those units blind you to what was happenin’ to them kids, how could ya? Of all people, you know what people do ta innocent little ones.”_

_“Me of all people? What, ‘cause ya rescued me from th’Kree? When’re gonna stop throwin’ that in my face, Stakar? Maybe I’m better off on my own, where I don’t have to deal with your self-righteous bullshit!”_

_He stormed off the bridge that day, feeling like he’d ripped open a still healing scab and left it open and oozing._

 

“G’on then,” Yondu said dully. “Exile me. Just leave me ’n the boy alone.”

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Stakar grabbed him by the shoulders and squeezed. “I ain’t gonna lie, you did wrong. But you owned it, yer trying ta fix it by keepin’ the kiddo safe.”

Yondu slowly brought his head up, not quite sure whether to trust what he’s heard.

Stakar gives him a tired half-grin, and let him go with one last squeeze. 

“It ain’t redemption, but it’s a start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone so much for the lovely comments - this fandom, y'all, are the absolute best sort of people ^_^


	7. gotta learn to let it go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That night back on the Eclector, Yondu still felt a little like the world was still spinning around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So reorganized everything and looks like it's gonna end up being eight chapters instead - although I might do a short sequel. Almost there! ^_^ Thanks as always for reading, and all the love to my awesome beta Resri. <3

That night back on the Eclector, Yondu still felt a little like the world was still spinning around him. Stakar had left him with a warning that he could expect an official reprimand and temporary suspension from the council, but most likely that would be the end of the matter.

Yondu still felt like he was on shaky ground with him, but they’d shook hands and promised they’d share a drink next time they ended up planet-side together. 

For now, the last thing he had to do before he could collapse in his bed was shepherd a cranky Peter into the mess hall to grab their long-delayed chow. 

After grabbing two of whatever slop was being served he plopped them on the table, pushing one towards the kid. 

Looking down at the grey-brown chunky mush, Peter’s face started to contort as he clapped a hand over his nose. 

Yondu looked over puzzled as he started to shovel food into his face. 

“Whas wrong, boy, eat yer chow,” he mumbled around a mouthful. Peter looked at him appalled.

“Eeeeew, that’s disgusting,” he wailed. “I’m not gonna eat that, I want real food.”

Yondu squinted sideways at him. “Boy, that’s as real as yer gonna get, there ain’t anything else.”

Tired face crumpling, Peter huffed, elbows on table and head in between his hands.

“I don’t _wanna_ ,” he started to sob, all the stress and excitement of the day seeming to come crashing down on him at once, “an’ I don’t hafta do what you say.”

After everything today, a crying kid was the last thing Yondu wanted to deal with when he was trying to eat. Rolling his eyes, he poked his spoon in Peter’s general direction as he growled, “Boy, shut yer gob or Imma feed ya t’–“ 

He choked down the words he’d been about to say like someone had socked him in the chest. 

Aw, hell.

Looks like it was time to try this a different way. 

“C’mon kid,” he said, grabbing a handful of Peter’s jacket and dragging him out of the mess hall. 

Peter dragged his heels a little, still letting out little sniffles as he was pulled along. Once far enough down the hall away from his overly nosey crew Yondu stopped, and crouched down to Peter’s level. 

“I didn’t mean ta scare ya kid,” he said soberly, tipping Peter’s chin to meet his eyes. “‘m not gonna hurt ya.”

Peter continued to frown at him, freckly face crumpled and blotchy. 

Yondu sighed. 

“I’m not good at all this, an’ I might be doing it all wrong, but I’m gonna try, yeah? Jest… look, if ya have a problem, not in front of the crew. They’re a rough bunch, and I have to be a strong captain fer em, they won’t respect me if they see ya backchattin’ all the time.”

Peter stared at him unsurely for a few seconds, before his little frame relaxed. Raising a crooked pinky, he looked up at Yondu solemnly. 

“Swear?” he said.

Yondu looked back in bafflement. “Say what now?”

“It’s an Earth thing,” Peter explained, grinned a little at Yondu’s confusion. “If people want to make a promise with each other, they pinky swear!” 

Yondu wrinkled his nose, but obligingly raised his own finger. 

“I’ll do my best by ya,” he promised, feeling the words settle inside him, rooting themselves somewhere deep in his chest.

Peter smiled. 

“’n I won’t backchat you in fronta crew,” he said, “but prolly sometimes later i will. My momma says i have a mouth on me.”

“Naw, ya don’t say?” Yondu raised an eyebrow sardonically, sending Peter into a fit of giggles. 

Then he let out a surprised wheeze as Peter darted forward, bony chin colliding with Yondu’s sternum as skinny arms wrap around him like he’s trying to squeeze him to death. 

“Thanks,” Peter muttered, before quickly letting go and looking away like nothing had happened

Yondu blinked down at him. Just when he thought the kid couldn’t surprise him, he did.

Contrary little shit. 

“C’mon, boy,” he said, reaching out to tousle Peter’s hair roughly. “Want me ta show ya how t’ use a starchart fer the navs?”

“Yeaaah, show me!” Peter gasped, bouncing up on his toes before grabbing Yondu’s rough hand trustingly with his little one to pull him towards the bridge. 

Watching Peter skip towards the nav console, seeing Kraglin grin at him across the bridge, some strange unnamed feeling welling up in Yondu – maybe this is how it felt to get it right. 


	8. oh, things'll get brighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Buckle up,” Yondu said, as he grimly white-knuckled the arms of the co-pilot chair. He’d removed all his breakable trinkets from the dashboard in preparation, leaving only his yellow plastic doodad from Nax adhered in place, head bobbing away.
> 
> “I got this, I totally got this,” Peter said altogether too cheerfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT! Finally reached the end of my first fic yay! I was really nervous about posting and you guys have been amazing, super encouraging and warm and welcoming. 
> 
> This fic wouldn't have been what it was without my brilliant beta Resri - all the thanks and much love, you're the ever best! <3
> 
> Thank you everyone for your kudos and comments - they make my day. ^_^
> 
> (Also the idea for the first part I shamelessly stole from the 2009 Star Trek)

“Buckle up,” Yondu said, as he grimly white-knuckled the arms of the co-pilot chair. He’d removed all his breakable trinkets from the dashboard in preparation, leaving only his yellow plastic doodad from Nax adhered in place, head bobbing away.

“I got this, I totally got this,” Peter said altogether too cheerfully, doing a happy little chair dance as he went through the pre-flight checks. 

The kid's been on the Eclector... maybe five cycles Yondu thinks, and Peter'd decided it was high time he learned to fly an M-ship. After a solid few months of begging, Yondu had finally given in - partly since Kraglin, who only taken a month to reach the end of his rope with the constant whining, decided to back the kid just to make it stop.

Flicking through the start-up sequence, Peter whooped as the engines roared to life. As he reached down to fire up the thrusters, Yondu flung one hand out to stop the kid while pinching the bridge of his nose with the other. 

“Boy, do you know what will happen if you try and move the ship now,” Yondu said, forming each word with exaggerated care. 

His idiot Terran stared at him blankly. “It will… go forward?” Peter hazarded, with a weak grin. 

Yondu looked at him.

“It won’t go forward because I forgot…?” Peter tried. “I forgot the…” 

His eyes darted around, as he tried to jog his memory. 

After a few seconds Yondu lost patience. 

“How ‘bout you try taking off the emergency brake.”

“…Oh,” Peter said faintly. “Right, that.”

He reached down to pull the lever, and before Yondu could say anything else he shot them forward out of the hanger bay and into open space. 

 

Walking off the _Warbird_ , Peter could clearly barely keep his feet on the ground. Yondu followed a few steps behind, stomach fizzing uncomfortably and legs still a little wobbly. Pausing to lean against the doorframe, he pulled a small scruffy ginger-haired doll out of his pocket and tossed it at Peter's head.

“Catch."

Peter grabbed it, eyes widening once he saw what he was holding. 

“A troll doll? What the hell, where’d’ya get one of these,” he said, voice high with shock. 

“Jest somethin’ I found last time we was planet-side,” Yondu said casually, not looking at Peter. “Figured your first flight and all called for somethin’ special.” 

Peter went blotchy with happiness, and bumped his shoulder against Yondu’s side.

“Thanks… dad,” he said, lips quirked in a tiny grin as he cradled the doll reverently. 

Peter didn’t often call him dad, normally sticking to calling him captain or simply Yondu. Times like these though, when he said it like that with those big green eyes of his all shiny, Yondu still felt a little… warm. He shook himself out of it, and grabbed Peter in a headlock, mussing his hair.

“Dontcha go gettin’ all mushy on me, son,” he said, releasing him with a last fond little tousle of ginger curls.

Peter grinned at him, unapologetic. 

“I did good though, huh?” he said, puffing out his skinny chest. “I betcha Imma be ready for my own ship soon.”

Yondu felt his chest give a little twang at that, and he gave Peter an unimpressed look. 

“Uh huh,” he said. “Say that again when you can dock t’ship without dentin’ her” 

As they walked out of the hangar, Peter still gamely protesting Yondu’s disparagement of his piloting skills, Yondu thought of a blue and orange M-ship streaking through the sky, thought of the man piloting her into battle against foes a hundred times their size. 

He’s made a lot of mistakes, he thinks, but Peter’s not one of them – his kid’s gonna turn out pretty good.

**Author's Note:**

> First fic, would love any feedback!


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